My Family Hate Me

I’m going to rant into the web and see if, somehow, out of the abyss, someone reads my shit and writes back.

About 3 years ago I decided enough was enough. Enough of what you say? I had had, point blank, enough of my shit-bag mother. Yep, I went there. I cut my mum out of my life in a maneuver that turned out to be more like ripping off a leg than a plaster. By that, I mean that it fucking hurt.

Let’s take it back to the fucking Victoria Sponge Cake

Well, she wasn’t just a crappy parent, she was also a pretty crappy person. Narcissistic, manipulative, dishonest, disloyal, spiteful and cruel, would all be accurate words for description.

Growing up I was always treated more as a possession than a child. I remember from a really young age having makeup put on and my hair curled, being talked about but not talked to.

My mum always did things that were spiteful for as long as I can remember. Things were to her own preference and benefit, no matter what the occasion was. For example, I have never liked jam. Every single year I was asked what cake I would like for my birthday and I would ask for a chocolate cake. However, every single year, without fail, I got a fucking Victoria Sponge. Every year I would watch my family sit around the table, stuffing their faces with my birthday cake, whilst I sat there and watched. EVERY. FUCKING. YEAR.

This is the way things shaped up for a long time. This is what the ‘good times’ were like. If you’d like to know what happened when shit really did head south, tune in for my next post.

SPOILER ALERT: my parents divorced, my mum turned into an alcoholic and my family disowned me! SEE YA SOON!

Eating Your Feelings

Do you struggle to lose weight? If so, have you ever wondered why? 

I’m no psychologist, but I can tell you that for me, the weight I have been carrying around is purely emotional. It’s a form of self punishment. Every time I hit the first milestone of weight loss, I would just stop dieting with no rhyme or reason why. It was self sabotage, to prevent myself from hitting my target weight and therefore preventing myself from having the joy and satisfaction of doing so.

But why?

It’s simple – I was compensating for other areas of my life, with food. The moment I woke up from my face-stuffing-food-coma I could control it. I no longer aimlessly and thoughtlessly shove chocolate down my face, or crave that ‘full’ feeling.

If you are battling weight loss and suffer a lack of motivation, maybe there is something underlying within you that’s holding you back? After all, how can you really move forward when you are holding on to the past?

mini:BURN Food Supplement by Mini V NUTRITION – A Review

As I write this, I’m just popping a mini:BURN capsule into my mouth, following some lunch. 

I have been taking these capsules, twice a day, for around two weeks now. I take one midday (around lunchtime) and I take one in the morning. I actually set an alarm to one hour before I need to get up, to swallow my capsule and then go back to sleep. I read online that it can take your body around 90 minutes to dissolve capsules.

I got myself the mini:BURN capsules after seeing them advertised online by Vicky Pattison. I’m not particularly a Geordie Shore fan but she has made and sustained, a pretty impressive weight loss. For me, that’s enough.

It’s important to point out that whilst taking these capsules, I have also embarked on a complete diet overhaul. I have cut down on carbs (NOT completely removed them) and aim to eat around 1000-1200 calories a day. I now take the stairs instead of the lift, that kind of thing.

The first thing that I can say about mini:BURN is that my energy levels are up. They are WAY UP. In the mornings, I’m not yawning and exhausted. I can confirm that I am far more active, awake and able to concentrate throughout the working day, as a result of taking these capsules.

mini:BURN capsules contain a concoction of ingredients designed to make you zingy. Rammed into each capsule is a whole host of B vitamins, which help to energise (Vitamins B3, B5, B6, B2, B1 and B12) as well high caffeine supplements like Guarana, Green Tea Extract and caffeine from Coffee.

I like that all of the ingredients are printed onto the packaging, so I don’t need to worry about what I’m putting into my body.

Additionally, I thought the price wasn’t bad at all. At the time of purchase (start of January) I got a 3 months supply bundle and used a discount code (advertised on Vicky’s personal Instagram account) to get a further % off. Each months supply worked out to be around £13, including my postage and packaging. I have a friend who is currently taking some diet pills called XLS Medical and I was fairly horrified to hear that she has paid around £20 for a TEN DAY SUPPLY. Of course, mini:BURN and XLS Medical are not the same product – but they are similar in target market and both serve a purpose of helping you to get into shape and/or lose weight.

The Verdict

If you’re anything like me, you will think that any kind of diet pill is for placebo effect. Perhaps, to a certain extent I still believe that to be true. What I can confirm, is that I have an abundance of energy when I would usually be fatigued and there is no doubt that this is due to my mini:BURN capsules. Having this energy stops me from giving up on my healthy diet and eating a cheeseburger. That is a victory.

I think the price is reasonable. It is disappointing that these are not sold in stores, so that you wouldn’t have to pay for postage and packaging. However, standard delivery came very quickly (within 2 days). It is likely that a similar product can be found at a cheaper price in supplement stores (think H&B, Boots etc), and the price is obviously ramped up because the product is associated with Vicky P, however this is the first I have tried that agrees with my body. Which brings me to my next point…

I have a VERY sensitive digestive system. It’s actually a running joke in my family that there’s so many foods and drinks that I can’t have. I’m sensitive to dairy, wheat, strong spices, onion… You name it. But these capsules do not upset the balance of my body and I am pleased to report that I have had zero adverse side effects.

I have now lost 14lbs and my weight loss has been steady and consistent. At this stage my weight loss tends to plateau, but so far so good.

I will report with an update once my full 3 month trial is over – but for now I would give these capsules a solid 8/10 – with the slightly-too-high price and lack of availability in mainstream stores the only downfall of the product, NOT the performance.

Have you been taking mini:BURN or any other products within the Mini V Nutrition range? Perhaps you have opted for a different brand of diet pill, such as XLS Medical? Tell me your experiences and what you think in the comments section!

Crossing the ‘START line

Hello!

Let’s kick this off with who I am and why I’m here!

For now, let’s pretend my name is Emma. I’m 24 years old, I live in the UK and I am here because I am trying to change my life. I am trying so very very hard, to completely change my health.

Just over a month ago I had a lot of light-headed dizzy spells, to the point I was unable to work and my vision was completely blurry. Two doctors visits, an ECG and a blood test later, I found out I’m anemic.

This is the scary thing though… Whilst I was feeling uncontrollably sick and as if I were going to faint, people around me couldn’t help but try to diagnose me themselves. The conclusion that most people came to was “you’ve given yourself diabetes”. This was obviously a terrifying thought, but not just for the obvious reasons. Not only did my friends, family and colleagues think that my symptoms seemed to match up, they thought my appearance did too. I was openly called “overweight”. It was stated as if it were a fact that belonged on Wikipedia. Obviously me being overweight was common knowledge and everyone had accepted it, right?

I would say that I did, and still do, have some degree of body dysmorphic disorder when it comes to my size. 

So here’s the stats. As of January 1st I am 5’4″ and weigh 13 stone 4lbs. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I’m overweight. You would be correct.

The thing is, I can’t tell when I look in the mirror. I think it’s a level of denial. When I look at my reflection there is no doubt in my mind that I don’t like what I see. It actively makes me depressed. My clothes go up to a size 16 and I’m often uncomfortable. My boobs have gotten stupidly big and I can’t fit in a lot of my clothes anymore. The writing is on the wall! But in the morning when I’m dressed and head out the house I feel confident. I only come crashing down when someone says something offensive (you know, the unintentionally offensive comment which is only offensive because you’re sensitive and aware you’re overweight e.g. “Not surprising to see you near the food!”) or when my phone camera opens front-facing and gets a good shot of my double chin.

I am rather good at both lying to myself (“don’t be silly, you’re not fat. You’re ‘average’ size.”) and beating myself up (“You should NOT have eaten that… No wonder you’re fat.”). I’ll tell ya, inner bi-polar Emma is a train wreck.

So back to the point – I’m here to make a change. I’m here to turn things around. I am currently 15 days into the new year and I have lost 12 lbs! I am so proud of myself.

I have a long way to go, but I have made great progress so far. I figured a blog will help me keep on track, stop me from losing momentum and serve as a good reflection of my journey.

So here it goes – my first blog entry. I will be stumbling before I can run. Feel free to keep me company 🙂

Emma. Day 15. 12lbs down!